Hang On A Little Longer
by Jedi Jelsa777
Summary: It's gonna get better one day The pain is gonna fade away If you just hang on a little longer, hang on a little longer


**WARNING! This story does contain heavy coverage of depression. If this might trigger you, cause you to have a relapse, etc please do NOT read this story!**

Natsu looked down at the drink in his hand, a part of the crowd but at the same time disconnected from it. His fellow guild members and even those from other guilds were celebrating their victory over Zeref and Acnologia, but his heart wasn't into joining them. Even though he didn't really remember his time with his brother before he had been killed with their parents or even the fact that he was his brother at all, a part of him wished they had had more time together. Natsu felt like he had lost everyone, even though he knew that wasn't true.

However he had lost many, his parents, Igneel, Zeref and even Mavis, he was tired of these types of goodbyes for they were too final his opinion. Of course death was supposed to be such, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. Now that he had time to sit and think about it, all of these deaths were hitting him pretty hard. Sighing to himself, he stood up and decided to slip out of the guild as quietly as possible. Natsu just couldn't take hearing anymore of how happy people were that his brother was gone. Yeah the dude was evil, but… Natsu shook his head and walked out, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice a pair of brown eyes watching him go with worry reflected in them.

XXX

Natsu had ditched Happy once again and the little blue Exceed was starting to worry about his friend. Scratch that, he was worried about Natsu. It had been a week since the party, the day after which is when Happy had noticed the change in his friend. Every morning since then he had woken to find Natsu had already left their snug little home, but he had always shown up at the Guild Hall by lunch time. It was now way past noon and Natsu still hadn't arrived.

Happy tried searching for him a little, but since he didn't have Natsu's sense of smell he was having no luck finding his friend. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and exclaimed to no one in particular "I know, maybe he went to Lucy's!" She hadn't been at the guild today, Lucy having informed both him and Natsu the day before she planned to stay home and write. Maybe Natsu had stopped by to try and read what she had been writing!

With those thoughts filling his head, he took off for the Celestial Mage's apartment with the hope that he would find Natsu there. That hope only led to disappointment however, as upon his arrival Lucy not only told him that Natsu was not there, but she shook her head as she continued "And he hasn't been around at all since we got back after the world was straightened out. He was so quiet at the celebration too, not at all Natsu like, not to mention the way he has been acting once he joins us at the guild each day. I'm worried Happy." "Aye." Happy agreed, looking down sadly.

XXX

Natsu had been walking all morning, not really paying attention to where he was going, just letting the dark thoughts that filled his mind run on repeat. These thoughts told him how worthless he was, how nobody really cared about him or what he was going through. If he was gone, would they celebrated like they did after Mavis died? Probably, after all he was a demon. Natsu groaned in frustration as a small part of him told him that that kind of thinking was foolish, that his friends didn't feel that way and would mourn him if he died, but it was quickly silenced by the voice from the darkness.

That's what he had come to call it, the darkness inside of him. The small voice that had momentarily interrupted it had done something for him though, it made him realize he had no idea where he was. Sniffing, he could tell he was far from Magnolia and any other humans. Suddenly he let all his pent up hurt out in the form of rage, preferring to lash out at the trees and bushes rather than his guild mates at the moment. He wasn't sure if he could trust himself to keep from hurting them.

When he was done, he lay on the ground, panting, in the newly barren landscape. He felt bad for destroying things that could have been some creature's home and source of food, something which the darkness was quick to latch onto. Now he berated himself for causing such destruction, for losing control over his emotions in such a terrible way. Muttering out loud softly, "Guess that's all I can do. Destroy things." There was a bitterness, with a touch of pain, to his tone. Feeling that he had rested enough, he looked up to the sky before heading back in the direction of Magnolia.

XXX

When Natsu arrived at the Guild Hall, though why he went there he didn't know, Lucy and Happy were there waiting for him. They had decided that he would probably show up there sooner or later, but they hadn't been away from Lucy's long when he arrived. "Natsu!" Happy yelled, flying towards the pink haired boy, crying as he went. Happy collided with Natsu's chest, who instinctively wrapped his arms around the blue Exceed, who continued "We were so worried about you! You took longer to get to the guild today!" Guilt struck Natsu hard once again, this time because it hurt him that he had caused Happy to worry and to cry. "I'm sorry buddy." He whispered softly to the little Exceed as he stroked the back of Happy's head.

Lucy held back, watching the pair before she walked up to join them. She bit her bottom lip before asking, slightly timidly, "Is everything okay Natsu?" Natsu tried to put on his signature smile, though anyone who took the time to look could see that it didn't quite reach his eyes, as he replied "Yep, everything is great." Lucy frowned slightly, hesitating only a second before softly saying "I think you are lying. You haven't been acting liking yourself lately."

Natsu panicked inwardly, he didn't want the others to know about the thoughts in his mind, he didn't want them laughing at him or anything. His temper flared, or so it seemed though it was really just his panic trying to draw focus off of Lucy's observation, so he grumpily said "I've just had a lot on my mind the last few days is all." "Oh, you actually have one?" Gray questioned teasingly as he caught that part of the conversation on his way to the bar.

Taking Gray's interruption as a way to escape the conversation, Natsu glared at him before throwing a punch his way, causing an all-out guild brawl. "Looks like everything is back to normal." Mira said with a smile from behind the bar, which was where Lucy had gone to seek shelter from her guild mates. Lucy could only wish she was as sure as the Take-Over Mage about that.

XXX

The next day it was like Natsu really had gone back to normal. He was there when Happy woke up that morning, much to the Exceed's delight. They then dropped by Lucy's apartment to pick her up on their way to the Guild Hall and once they arrived, Natsu first challenged Gray to fight before going over to the jobs board and picking out one. There weren't any big jobs, Makarov wanted all his children to relax a little after the war and so, to make sure they did, he only put up simple as well as close by ones. While the jobs did pay enough for Lucy's rent, Natsu found them a bit boring, though the plus side was they didn't have to ride the train or any other vehicle.

Almost all the jobs revolved around helping the citizens of Magnolia rebuild once more. It wasn't the first time that Fairy Tail had helped out and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Lucy watched Natsu on their third job of the day as he joked around with the little kids. All their other guild mates, Happy included, thought that Natsu had finally broke free of whatever funk he was in, but Lucy knew better. He may be laughing and joking, but the smiles wouldn't quite reach his eyes and the sparkle that was once so bright in them was dim, if not even existing at times.

No, Natsu was putting on a good show, of this Lucy was certain, but what she didn't know was why. Natsu meanwhile, kept feeling worse and worse as the day went on. Every sad kid he saw tore at his heart, and he was determined that they should never feel as low as he was. So he joked with them, teased them and played with them until he had a smile on their face and laughter in their hearts once more. How he wished he could make his own heart light once more, but it felt like he had the weight of the world's worries and fears and sorrows on his shoulders.

XXX

Weeks passed and Natsu not only continued to act like his normal self, he also went out of his way to be extra funny at any possible moment. Everyone laughed along with him at his antics, well, almost everyone. Lucy watched from a few tables down as Natsu did a dance on another one, similar to the one he did when Mira had brought up that Natsu might like her all those years ago. While everyone saw their usual, happy-go-lucky, goofball Natsu, Lucy saw something in his eyes that made her doubt that it was real happiness behind his motives, though why that was she didn't know.

Natsu avoided being alone with her as much as possible, it was like he knew that she knew that this was all an act. Lucy pushed back her chair as she was filled with determination to get to the bottom of this. She walked over to Wendy and arranged to have her and Carla keep Happy distracted and away from Natsu for the night, though why Lucy was asking this of her, the younger mage did not know. After thanking Wendy, Lucy looked towards Natsu as he continued with his dance. This would be the day she found out why her partner was pretending to be happy. "Hang on a little longer, Natsu, I'm going to figure this out." Lucy thought.

XXX

Natsu shuffled home alone that night, Happy having been invited on an overnight job with Wendy, Carla, Levy, Gajeel and Lily now that Master was letting them start to take on longer jobs once more. He was happy for Happy, he had a feeling Wendy had invited the blue Exceed simply so he could spend time with Carla, after all his crush on the white Exceed was no secret. He was also relieved. Finally a night where he didn't have to pretend to be okay, a night he could let all of his pent up feelings out. This time though, instead of rage, tears softly flowed down his cheeks with only an occasional sob breaking loose.

He was so tired of fighting the voice of darkness, it was all he could do to paste on his smile and do whatever it took to make people think he was fine, to keep them from shouldering this dark burden that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. When he entered his cabin and closed the door behind him, he didn't bother muffling the sounds of his sobs anymore, feeling like nobody could hear him anymore for sure. He collapsed to the ground, his back sliding down the door as he did so, the same door which he leaned against as he howled in pain from the depths of his soul.

XXX

Natsu must have been either lost in thought or he was so used to her scent that he hadn't noticed her following him at a distance, perhaps even a combination of the two. Whatever the reason, Lucy thanked her lucky stars that he hadn't smelled her yet. That feeling, twisted into pain and sorrow each time she heard a sob escape from his lips and it was all she could do to keep from running to catch up with him and pull him into a hug. She needed to wait until he was in his cabin, less places for him to run from her in there.

She watched as he finally reached his cabin and entered it. No sooner had he shut the door, however, then she heard a gut wrenching howl come from inside, speaking to the deep hurt that Natsu was feeling. Lucy took a step closer towards the cabin before doubts of her own entered her mind. Would Natsu be mad at her for following him? For witnessing his break down? Lucy shoved those thoughts aside, a determined looking filling her face as she decided that it didn't matter if he did, she wasn't going to leave him alone at a time like this!

Summoning up her courage, she went to the door and softly knocked as she whispered "Natsu? Are you ok?" The sobs didn't stop, she didn't know if he had heard her so she knocked a little louder as she said "Natsu, let me in!" "Go away!" Natsu cried out, his voice nearly choking on his sobs. "I will not go away, what's wrong? Let me in Natsu!" Lucy gently demanded. "I said go away! I'm fine." Natsu muttered back, just loud enough for her to hear.

"You're not fine, you're crying! Why are you crying Natsu?!" Lucy replied, as she tried to push open the door and found she couldn't, "Natsu, please open the door!" "No!" Natsu simply replied back before his sobs once again overtook him. Frustrated, Lucy circled his house, hoping to find a window open. Natsu thought she had finally left when she fell silent and found himself strangely hurt by this, leading to even more pain as the voice from the darkness spoke "See, she didn't really care. She was just pretending to." A voice which was cut off when a thud came from across the room.

Behind his hammock was an open window, left so by Happy no doubt when he flew off earlier after grabbing his things. More importantly, below the window was Lucy, laying in a heap on the floor. "Lucy?!" Natsu said in surprise, before falling back into an angry tone to hide his hurt as he stood up while he continued "I thought I told you to leave me alone?!" "You did, but there was no way I was going to leave you alone right now. You're my best friend, please tell me what's wrong Natsu."

"Nothing!" he shouted back and was about to say more when his eyes opened wide in surprise. Faster than he would have thought possible for her, Lucy was across the room, standing in front of him. Then, like many times when they were on the battlefield, Lucy threw her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, though this one was from the front rather than the usual back hug. Softly she said "Don't lie to me Natsu, please. You can tell me anything."

At this, Natsu broke down, dropping back to the floor and pulling Lucy along with him. There he sobbed and sobbed for a long time as Lucy gently hugged him, rubbing comforting circles on his back the whole while. When his tears were finally spent, he told of how he had felt like he had lost everyone, how it felt like the guild was celebrating the death of not only his brother, but Mavis as well. He spoke of how he wished he had actually gotten to know Zeref when he wasn't in a crazy mood. He told her everything that he had been feeling and thinking and by the end of it, she was crying too, crying for him and the hurt and pain he had been in.

She hugged him closer as she whispered "I'm sorry you were going through this alone Natsu, I should have tried this sooner." Natsu tightened his hold on her too as he softly said "I don't think I would have been ready yet, the darkness had a good grip on me then and I was ready to believe it all. I still had strength to fight it then, which means I would have had strength to fight you too. Now it's beat me down to nothing, I was ready for any flicker of light, of hope, desperate for it even. You showed up at the right time Luce, for while I know it's still there, that beating it won't be that easy, it has lost some power in that I can see that what it was saying were lies."

Lucy smiled at Natsu, before replying "While I can't guarantee an easy road ahead nor that the darkness won't ever try to come back or that it won't succeed in making you believe it once more, I promise I'll do my best to be there for you, to help you fight back if it does." Finished saying that, she pulled back so Natsu could see her smile in the moonlight filtering through from various places. Natsu smiled back, his first real one in weeks, as he said "Thanks Luce, I appreciate it."

"_**I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that." ~ Robin Williams **_**I will have to say that this is 100% accurate, at least for me. Whenever a bout of depression hits me, it just makes me feel like crap. I don't want anyone else to go through this or even hurt for me for whatever thoughts it is putting in my head, so I will go out of my way to make them feel better if they seem down, etc.**

**Like the first time I went through depression, which lasted all of my teen years and a year or two more, I had this one laugh that I discovered that if I did it I could get my whole family laughing. So I would do it, even if there was no reason to do so, to ease the tension or just so I could hear them laugh, to hear that they were happy. I didn't feel that laughter deep inside, not at all, in fact if I could have just stayed in my room all the time, I probably would have been my "happiest" because being around happy people just highlighted by own unhappiness and was draining, but at the same time to be able to give them that small piece of joy so they wouldn't feel the pain I was, was worth it to me.**

**Though that laugh did help me in the end too tit turned out. As I told my friend FTAnt one time, the laugh helped me "fake it until I made it". That along with music pulled me out of my depression, one that no one in my life knew I had. Heck the only person in my family that knows is my mom and she didn't find out until I was out of it. Nobody knew that I had made a list of ways to kill myself (a mental one, I wasn't going to chance anyone finding it) and had only not gone through with any of them because I could see myself surviving and I didn't want that at all.**

**It was songs like Hang On A Little Longer by Unsecret + Ruelle (though not this song itself) that were lifelines to me. It and the Robin Willaims quote, along with thoughts, etc from my own depression, were the inspiration for this story. Depression is an ugly beast that will grab hold of you and try to never let go. You can break free of its grasp, there might be times were it will try to, and possibly succeed at, coming back, but, as the song says, if you just hang on a little longer, it's going to get better one day.**

**I'm going to copy/paste what I put at the end of another of my Fairy Tail stories, Sticks and Stones, because it's a message I want to be loud and clear to all those battling depression. Please, if you are suffering from depression or even think you are just in the starting stages, please don't keep it to yourself like I did. It's stolen years of my life, don't let it steal yours too! Talk to someone, even if it's just an online friend if talking to someone you know in real life is too daunting at first. Please, talk to someone who can help you through these feelings. Don't let it win.**


End file.
